Today was the first day I actually got up and showered and dressed and faced the day. The past week or so I have been lying in my pit on the floor everyday. But yesterday when I was finally able to motivate myself to go down to the lobby and get my mail I received a little package from my cousin L*****e. She had emailed a few weeks back saying she was sending me some money. I was flabbergasted to see how much it was!! I won't say because she is a classy lady and I don't want to embarrass her, but it was enough to get some real stuff done. First I got on the internet and made a grocery order. I got all the condiments and toiletries and things I can never afford to get after the priorities. It was like freakin CHRISTMAS! I filled my fridge,... I filled my freezer,... I filled my pantry,... and now I can sit back and enjoy the coming months because I will no longer be worried about empty shelves if I can't get my walker out into the snow to do shopping. This is always a concern of mine now. But thanks to my cousin,... I can now relax. I have enough to eat for atleast 2 months and my shelves are all stocked. I find it a little embarrassing that this excites me and brings me such joy. But when you live month to month on very little the luxeries really are LUXERIES!!

When I started to do my ancestry a few years ago, my only goal really was to find my grandmother and where she was layed to rest. Being adopted I didn't know where any of my biological family were. In the end,... I found out where my grandmother Ida Holyoak came from but I never did find where she was layed to rest. (She was put in a pauper grave unmarked) She spent the last 20 years of her life in a nursing home in Parkdale Toronto with some degree of dementia. She spent those years alone. As I have written previously in this blog about my history, my grandma Ida had a difficult life and ended up dying alone with no family. When I heard this I felt terrible. I always wanted to find her grave so I could apologize to her for being abandoned by everyone. I don't blame her children as they scattered having difficult lives of their own. In the end it was more a "everyone out for themselves to survive" kind of thing. Ida got left behind and forgotten about. Sounds eerily familiar to me. A haunting prediction for myself I'm afraid,...

Anyway,... during my search for my family I came across a lovely woman. Ancestry has us listed as "3rd cousin 1x removed".  She was actually the very first person I ever contacted from my biological family through my Ancestry search. We corresponded for a bit while we were both still involved in geneology. But we slowed down a bit since then. She has always had a soft spot for me and has been quite generous to me over the past few years during my difficult times. Everytime things get bad and I start to worry I won't get through, L*****e always seems to pop up out of nowhere and help me out. Just like yesterday. Things were getting really bad and I was starting to panic. But once again my angel helped me out again. For all of the horrible people on this planet,... I still believe there are folk out threr who's only purpose on earth seems to be to help others with their kindness. L*****e is one of those folks,... 

She is one of my handful of angels I talk about.

So just for today I have put all the stress of trying to move out of this building aside and instead enjoyed filling up my kitchen shelves once again. It's sad how happy this has made me all day. And now it is dinner time. I am going to cook a REAL meal. Meat,... potatoe and veg,... instead of meat on a bun or veggies stir-fried but never can afford the two together on one plate!!! Tonight and for the next month I eat like a QUEEN! Thank you with all my heart L*****e.  (Sadly she will never read this so hopefully she can feel my love through spirit,...) And then I will sit with tea and watch tv with Maggie curled up on my lap. 

Today was good. I have to count all the joy I get in life and today gave me some joy. :)