It is Saturday. Match Day. I am here watching soccer on this cold November day. It's half time in the Manchester United game. I am so grateful for football. I can't imagine my life without it. 

I got a call from CBC radio yesterday. Apparently it has been a year since I did my MAiDs interview with Matt Galloway on his show "The Current". His assistant was calling to say that he is going to be re-visiting this issue in an episode to air on Monday in which a clip of my interview might be played. She was very nice. She wanted to know how I was doing and where I stood in the MAiDs process. Which of course is nowhere,... I am in limbo. Waiting for the mental health criteria to be decided by the Canadian Government. This is said to happen in March of 2024. I told her how my problem now is not having a family doctor and not being able to even start the proceedings until I have one. In other words,... I am in limbo sitting in God's waiting room. Whether or not they air a clip of my past interview I want to listen to his show anyway. So Monday November 13th 2023 on The Current with Matt Galloway on CBC.

This whole ending my life has become a problem. All I want is an end to my struggle but the struggle to end it has become a nightmare. 

I have now come to the infuriating realization that I will not be moving. I do not make enough money to live in a shed let alone a proper apartment. Transferring has proved to be futile as none of the 'livable' buildings I would break down and live in were close enough to a grocery store for me to walk to. So,... a transfer is out because of no suitable building,... No other apartmen is available because I am a pauper and landlords won't even let me in the door to look at their available units. So I am well and truly stuck here with no choices. It's so infuriating when you don't have any control over your life. You feel like a college kid in a dorm living here,.. Your parents making all the decisions for you. THEY have control over your money and choices. NO DIGNITY in that at all. I'm a puppet they control. I'm not even a person. I'm a client number and a unit number,... 

No choice in ending my life,... No choice in where I can live,... No dignity at all,.... I am not a person. I am a file.

My game is coming back on so I am going to stop here. but I have words swarming inside my head today. Too many thoughts,.... too many words,.. the only thing I do have control over is my writing. So I will be back to purge these words once again.