Today has been another upsetting day. More people shunning me. It's pretty much everyone now. There really isn't one person who will look at me. And I have no idea why,... So I put in a request for them to send me a transfer application. I know it will take a long time. Two to ten years the woman said. But I have to do something. So I made a written request for a transfer. Where I go I have no idea. Ontario Housing isn't known for it's nice buildings. I really lucked out on this one as it's only about 15 years old and in great condition and well looked after by maintenance. But not many OH buildings are nice. Most are run-down,... dirty,... and have addicts sleeping in the stairwells. So I know I'm going to be going down to a place I KNOW I won't like.

But outside of Ontario housing the rental market has sky-rocketed and I can't even ALMOST afford a one bedroom apartment. They seem to start at about $1400.00 and can go up to $3000.00 a month.

I make a grand total a month of $1308.00

Can we see the problem? 

I don't even make enough to cover rent!!!

I wouldn't even get an application given to me to view the apartment because I don't even make enough to get through the door to even look. So I am STUCK. I really don't know what to do. I feel like I am a prisoner here.

As I have been trying to say all along,.... I don't have any choices. NONE! I either live under a bridge in peace or I stay here and be shunned. It's a horrible feeling when people see you coming and get up and leave the opposite way before you get there. I go out to the gazebo and they all pick up their stuff and collectively look at each other and leave. It's like I am a serial killer who has just been released form prison or something. Everyone seems to be scared of me?????? Whatever has happened I have no idea. Someone has done the best smear and hate campaigne ever and I have been left a leper.

NOT GOING TO STAY HERE. I will put my transfer in but I hold out no hope there. Housing doesn't give a rats ass that I am being stalked by a pscho tenant. As long as they don't have to deal with it personally then nothing will be done. THEY DON'T CARE THAT I DON'T FEEL SAFE IN MY OWN HOME. So I am definitely on my own with this.

I'm ready to sell everything and just rent a room up north in Ontario somewhere. Just me and Maggie. Way,... way,... up north. Where there are forests and lakes and open spaces. Where the sound of traffic doesn't exist. Where I can be left alone in peace.

But that place just doesn't exist and I am shit out of luck again. Shut up Jacquie,... Your just a lowlife disabled person on ODSP. You have no rights. You don't deserve. Your a nobody that society has thrown away. And as long as you don't kill yourself they will forget about you and let you rot. But if you do try and end your life? The cars will come flying out of the woodwork lights and sirens to make sure they save you and therefore sentence you to a future life of misery and struggle. THATS ok,... just don't kill yourself and they will leave you alone to rot in poverty. 

But I am not going to stay in this place any longer. I am going to look into renting a room instead somewhere. My life just shrinks smaller and smaller with each passing year. Soon I will be completely invisible. How little space can I take up?