The article came out and now the fall out

The article came out. I would like to leave a copy of it on here but I can only put in the link and it wont' last forever. Basically it described my life and situation to a tee. It EXPLAINED why I want to end my life. Or so I thought it explained it,...

Today I woke up to dozens and dozens of messages on Facebook. Aside from the pervy men (Really men???) most were positive. I answered four or five and had a few long conversations with people. Some of them were very nice and I enjoyed the chats. But after a while I noticed,... I started to get what I always get.  If only you do this,... your life will be better,.... and then they proceed to tell me everything I need to do to feel better. Normally I would say yay,... thank you,... but this time it just irritated me. EVERY SINGLE THING anyone ever suggests COSTS MONEY. And when I say I don't' have it,... I get "But surly you have such and such $ for this,... it's just five bucks" (or how ever much it cost) And this tells me that people really aren't understanding just how BROKE and in POVERTY I live. If I had the few bucks they are saying I do,... I would be eating better! 

Please know,... when I say I don't have money for that,... I REALLY DON'T have the money for that,... and when I say I can't get there because I don't' have transportation, that means I also don't have money for a taxi or an Uber. People just aren't getting that not only do I NOT have money for recreational things to do but I don't' have enough money to eat properly. 

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY

And each person who contacts me with their good intentions,... actually has a laundry list of things they think I haven't tried and then go about suggesting. But they all are not available for me to do because without money you get NOTHING and THIS is why I am choosing to end my life. NO ONE is understanding that I have no life with no money and all this pain.

Do you think I would be wanting to end my life if I had the things I need? NO! If I had at least two grand a month to live off of - which allows me to actually do stuff - then I would probably be content with that and I could probably be happy. But with NOT ENOUGH it's just too hard. And I am getting resentful of all the people suggesting that maybe I just don't budget properly or I DO have the money and I just spend it on crap,... I don't know. But you have all managed to make me feel like I just don't care and I'm weak and giving up.

I have tried for YEARS but things get worse - not better! WORSE! I get less groceries a month than I did last year,... when things break they don't' get replaced,... PLEASE TRUST ME when I say I have tried. For 30 fucking years on my own I have tried. But now it's gone beyond bearable. I don't have the money to go get a coffee or go tot the dollar store or go to a movie once a month. By the time I pay for it there is nothing left over for food.

Add to that the living conditions of living in Social Housing which is literally making me sick because of the gossip and toxic people here. And I don't even have the option to move. NO fucking choices!!!!!

My life has no recreation or entertainment AT ALL. I sit and watch tv day after day after day after fucking day. IF my body allows,... I can go out for a walk once in awhile,... but only if I'm not in too much pain. Even putting POVERTY aside,... Life is still unbearable because of the pain. With every mixed in together,... my life is a waste. 

I am rotting away in a box watching the same shows over and over and over again,...

I am bored out of my mind and I no longer wish to live this hell.

So PLEASE don't judge my decision because you think I'm just weak and giving up.

I've been on my own and fighting since the year 2000 and I am tired. Fucking exhausted of the struggle.

I know everyone is trying to be kind and show they care,... But I'm just beyond living a happy life. When you spend your day rationing your daily food allowance so you don't feel hungry that day,.. life is no longer fun but a chore.

Please stop suggesting I paint or do Lego or do crafts or ancestry or all the things I have already thought of. THERE JUST ISNT MONEY EVEN FOR THAT! It all costs money!!! That i dont have.

I live in POVERTY. I live BELOW the poverty line. I am poor and I no longer wish to live this way.