Now I just wish to die

 It's really early on Monday morning. It's still dark out. But I can't sleep ~ again. So I drag myself out of bed and put the coffee on. My head is still pounding. I have had this headache for nearly a week now. I'm pretty sure it's my blood pressure. But my blood pressure monitor broke so I can't even check it. But I don't feel right so I think my blood pressure is high.   

I made the decision to stop my blood pressure medication. I tried to get health care but I am finding it too hard. Going to the doctor should not have to feel like climbing Mount Everest. Way too much work. Knowing I will have to walk an hour each way just to get to this place and then only being allowed one complaint, tells me I am never going to get consistant health care.

I am desperate for a physical as I have NUMEROUS issues to deal with. Not just small issues - big issues. But if I am going to be forced to have to make an appointment for each and every issue then fuck it. 

I AM NOT WALKING TWO HOURS FOR ONE COMPLAINT AT THE DOCTOR. If I can't get a physical - which is what I desperately need - then fuck it. I GIVE UP.

So as of today, I have made the decision to stop all medication in the hopes of having a heart attack and dying. I can't live with this pain anymore - but I see no relief or help with it in the future. Just more suffering and struggling.

NOONE should have to work so hard just to see a doctor.

So I am not buying a new blood pressure monitor. I am choosing not to worry about it anymore and let nature take it's course. But with no meds,.... I can't see me surviving more than 6 months.

Thank you Canada for allowing me to fall between the cracks and giving up,.... I feel invisable and unworthy and most of all nothing but a burden. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO OUR HEALTH CARE???????

I am in too much pain to go on,.... but noone seems to give a shit that I am suffering. So I guess they won't give a shit when I die of a heart attack ~ even though I COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED IF SOMEONE JUST SAW ME STRUGGLING!!! But noone does because I am invisable to this country. Just another disabled person draining the resources of this country. Unwanted and now uncared for,....

Well fuck you Canada,..... now I just wish to die