Now I hope to die

 I am sat here despondent. It's just after 3 in the morning. I can't sleep. I don't get a lot of sleep anymore. Too much on my mind. The air is cool so I am wrapped up in my housecoat trying to keep the damp out. Rain pounds down on my RV roof. I feel cold. I can never get warm these days. Feeling cold = pain for me. The damp gets right into my bones and just throbs. It's all consuming. I don't know how to cope with it. So I sit here and just cry.

I called the place to get health care today. I ended up so upset I threw my medication down the toilet and decided health care is just something that for some reason is just too hard to get for me. I found out the place I needed to go was an hours walk away. Much furthur than I had anticipated. I have not been well the past few days. Pain has been overwhelming. I am finding it harder to walk into town. Today,... I just couldn't face it. I asked to come in. She offered me 15 minutes to deal with my blood pressure but no other problems. So I am suppose to WALK for an hour just to talk about blood pressure and not allowed to discuss any other problem? And then WALK an hour home? I have 63 with no doctor. I have dozens of issues that need looking at. If I have to walk 2 hours for every appointment then it's useless to me.

I am too old to jump through hoops just for basic health care. 

Why can't I get a phsical and take care of ALL of my issues???? I have been without health care for years and it has piled up and I starting to suffer. But if 15 minutes is all I am worth and I have to walk two hours just to get it? Then I give up. I am too old and tired to deal with that nonsense.

So I took my meds and I threw them all down the toilet. From this day on I do nothing to help my health. And in this I hope to have a heart attack and die.

Health care should not be this hard to access and I am fed up and just dont care anymore.

ROLL ON HEART ATTACK! I am done suffering

I have now tried to get health care in two provinced in Canada and both were too hard to get.

Now I hope to DIE