I just hope to die

I am done with this life.

I did everything right. Yet,... this move has done me no good. Infact, when it comes to health care, I am worse off. I made a decision that day last week. I no longer fight for health care. I am so tired of jumping through hoops just to get help. Now the place i need to go is an hours walk away. I have relapsed,... my pain is unbearable,.... I cannot walk an hour there and an hour back. And all for ONE complaint??? I have to make individual appointments for each and every problem I have and walk an hour before and an hour after just to do it????

Fuck off 

It has now been over 5 years that I have tried to get help for my health. Now I give up. 

I stopped my blood pressure medication. Why protect myself from a heart attack just to be 'trapped' inside a cold tin can for the rest of my life with no way to do anything or go anywhere as 'life' nickeled and dimed my entire savings,... I am now BROKE and in debt and can't get by anymore.

I was suppose to be able to buy a car which was to change my life. But that money got eaten by 'fixing' this fucking RV so it's gone. NO CAR. To me - that equals no life. I am now 100% reliant on my cousin. If I need anything ~ I have to ask for a ride to go and get it. This is not ok.

I only want to live if I have REAL health care and the means to 'live' and not just exist. The whole point of moving here was so I didn't get stuck sitting in my apartment watching tv. This move was suppose to give me freedom to enjoy life for a change.

But the money is gone. There will never be a car,.... just me stuck in a freezing cold tin can watching tv for the rest of my life. A beautiful province I can't enjoy as life has robbed me again and taken my money so I have nothing. AGAIN.

My pain is too severe. And noone is listening. Even my cousin has the attitude well at least your not homeless - be grateful for what you have,....

So for his sake I just said ok and pretended I just had a wobble and now everything is ok. But it's not ok. I am done. I stopped my medication and now I hope to die.

I dont' know what happened in this country that I just can't survive but I can't,... and now I'm just too tired to even try

Oh and I got am invoice from Siperior propane for over $500. What a joke. They already have $511 of my money and now they want $500 more to break the contrarct. I am just  a means to take money to this world, free money for everyone. Jacquie has lots,... go scam her,... take her money,.... I"M FUCKING SICK of being used and nickeld and dimed. This company has fucked me. Over $1100 and I was only with them a month. Fucking sick of it all,.... The only reason I seem to be on this planet is to be scammed and conned. Well I have had enough and Superior Propane ~ I hope you can fucking sleep at night knowing you are the reason I gave up. You were the last straw of people being manipulative and sneaky to get all mymoney. YOU WON!!! I'm fucking broke now. You won!!!!!! and ruined my future.

So,.... Roll on death ~ I welcome you with open arms.

And for the record,.... Just because othres have it worse doesn't mean my pain doesn't matter. And thats the whole attitude of this life. Others have it worse so stop your complaining. NOONE cares about your stupid pain just deal and get on with it.

Well I care about my pain,... and I need it gone. But it will never go away as noone cares that I can't access health care. You can't walk the hour there and back? Then I guess your just shit out of luck.

I am fucking done

Roll on death