Still can't feel my fucking arm!

I am absolutely exhausted. I haven't had any sleep becasue of my arm and these damn shingles. The itch from the shingles is driving me mad leaving me with no patience at all. I'm fed up and overwhelmed. On top of this, I still can't feel my right arm. I am right handed so this is causing big problems. It is numb and tingly from fingertips all the way up to my shoulder. Everything I do I have to do in installments. Type 3 sentences and then stop and shake my arm out to get some feeling back. Then I type another couple of lines until it quickly goes numb again and I have to shake it out again. It never goes away! And after a year - I can't take it anymore.

And I'm really angry at my lawyer. He offered me physiotherapy - but only if I use HIS company. This office obviously only works with one company and if they don't have what you need? Then I guess your shit out of luck. I guess you just don't get physio then. Because it's been a year and I still can't feel my arm. And NO PHYSIO!! They had offered ONE option. The woman who they sent did not know about firbromyalgia and manipulating a body with fibro can set you back YEARS and throw you into being completey out of commission. I don't know why they only use one. But what they should have done was call around and find me someone who DID umderstand fibro. I looked around and some do and some don't. 

If they don't have what I need they just left me to suffer with no feeling in my arm. And I guess it's my job now to find a physiotherapist.  

I cannot explain just how uncomfortable and annoying it is to not feel your arm. Things I pick up - I drop because I can't feel my hand holding it. I have broken more dishes because of this. I can't hold a phone,... I can't even push my walker as holding the handles makes my hand and arm numb. In short,... I may as well only have one arm. My right one is useless to me.

And obviously I am not going to get the help I need for this. 

MY ARM AND HAND WILL ALWAYS BE NUMB FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

Sorry, but I cna't live that way. I am overwhelmed with this. 

WHY can't I get anyone to help me????????

I have been so angry and depressed and overwhelmed. I just can't take it anymore.

So I am going to set my plan in motion. SOONER rather than later now. Now I can see I am never going to have the use of this arm. If I was - it would have happened by now. And knowing this, why prolong the suffering. Becasue this is SUFFERING! 

I am deadly serious. 

Time to kill myself and find some peace

You can't live your life with a hand and arm you can't feel. I WON'T live a life like that. I instead CHOOSE DEATH.

So,.... I'm done

But I leave so fucking angry at this society that I have been left to fend for myself and suffer. I HATE this world right now and I can't wait to leave it.

Roll on fentanyl. It's the only answer now.

I cannot live with the deficits this car accident left me in. It has completey RUIN ED MY LIFE! To the point that all I want to do is DIE.

So don't go calling the police. You won't be helping. You will just be forcing me to suffer for many more years to come. And I REFUSE to do that. WHY SHOULD I SUFFER jsut because I have no doctor? It's not right and it's not fair and I am so fucking angry about it I am just going to die to get out of this fucking mess this accident has left me in.

Don't call the police. They can't help me,... apparently NOONE CAN