Life with no health care is just too hard

Life with no doctor. I have had whatI thought was shingles for the past week. But a few days ago this rash started spreading all over. Mainly my back, neck and torso. And right now they are literally driving me mad with itch. It looks like heat rash but I can't say for sure. All I know is that I woke up with me scratching my skin to the point it is raw.

This is where I get so frustrated. A 'normal' person would just call their doctor, make an appointment and go in. But I don't have a doctor and the walk in is so busy I can never get through. And if by chance I did get through, I don't ahve transportation. We only have ONE taxi in our town so it's difficult to time any appointments as the taxi can take up to 45 minutes to arrive. So instead of getting help, I have been forced to just put up with it. And that is what I do with all my ailments. I have to put up with them.

I am 61 now. An age where your health starts to deteriorate. I have over a dozen things I need looking into but can't. So unlike the lucky folks with a doctor,... I have to jump through hoops to get any help.

I called 811 which is Ontarios health line. But it was just a nurse practitioner - not a doctor. And you can't show them the rash. You can just describe it. So in the end, she told me to go get it looked at. 

 *** sigh ****

 If only it were that easy,...

I never feel well anymore. I am always feeling 'off'. I can't quite pinpoint how. I just feel 'off'.

I DESPERATLEY NEED A DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!

I need a full physical with a complete blood draw. Something is not right in my body and it hasn't been in a few years. And I am suffering because I don't have health care available to me. 

I'm so fed up with life right now. My court case will end with me getting nothing as I have no medical records and noone to write a letter for me. SO I LOSE AGAIN! 

I can't help think that maybe it's just time to go,... forget BC,... forget a vacation,... just go to Guelph. Find fentanyl and overdose. Because I am suffering. And it is not fun. It wears you down and leaves you exhausted and suicidal. I just can't do it anymore.

So I think I will moving things up.

I think it's time

I have spent the past two days in bed. So depressed I can't even bother getting up anymore. For what????

So I really do think it is time,...