How did I ever end up here?

I am waking up this morning to the turmoil of the aftermath of the Zelenskyy-Trump fiasco yesterday. The whole globe seems to be talking about it. I know I am shocked at the bad behaviour of Trump and Vance. To me it looked like school yard bullying. I may not live in the States, but they are our neighbour. And right now I am ASHAMED of what went down. 

All of this global turmoil right now is just adding to my instability I am feeling in my personal life right now. My life is falling apart, It is imploding and coming to an end. In short,... I have been priced right of living. I just can't afford to survive anymore. I feel no security or stability with my life. The constant threat of eviction has me so I am living in packed boxes ready to go,... that's not living,... that's waiting to be homeless.

And with this constant feeling of unease is a small growing fear of bigger things. I watch tv all day long (not my choice but all I have to do) And I have been following the world leaders now for awhile. And there is a definite shift in power right now. There is an uneasy current lying underneath,.... something? Something BIG is happening. I think we are going to see corruption and greed at Hitlers level in the future. I used to think I was just being paranoid as I grew up thinking I could TRUST world leaders. But now,.. I don't trust them. I think certain leaders are slipping off the moral path and falling into very dangerous territory. Dictatoship. 

Why we never learn from the past is frightening. But I see clear signs of a dictatorship with Trump. I feel the man is mentally ill and off-balance. I think he has way too much power and that is very scary. I know I am not an American, but his chaos is far-reaching and it does effect Canadians. 

Infact Trump and Putin seem to be trying to put a crack into this entire globe. Their arragance, entitlement and power scare the shit out of me. I have enjoyed a democracy my whole life for which I am very grateful for. But I can't help but fear this democracy is being attacked. Not just for me and my country, but for the whole world. TRUMP is unbalanced and everyone is scratching their heads trying to figure out how to deal with his nonsence. He lies,... he bullies,... he goes against everything morality stands for. The look of frustration and anger on Zelenskyys face as he was being bullied by Trump is the face of the rest of the world. Shock and anger at his arragance. Good people don't know how to fight dirtyness,... up until now it's been civilized. But Trump is anything but and it is confusing and frustrating. 

So it seems right now that nothing is secure for me. losing my ODSP has scared the shit out of me. I have been homeless before and I am terrified of it happening again. And on top of this, I am concerned for what is to come in the future globally. In short,... I fear world war three. So I have fears all around me. It's not a nice way to live. 

I am terrified something big is happening to our world right now. But I have to put that aside as I am fighting my own leathal battle right now. I am fighting to get out of housing,... I am fighting to get out of poverty,... but I am stuck. Defeated. Hopeless. 

I can barely afford to eat right now. But I have fears that food will become a luxury I cant afford at all soon. I see homelessness and hunger in my future. And an unstable and chaotic world around me. It certainly doens't leave me feeling safe.

I have given up on my court case. I have given up with housing and all their eviction threats. I have given up on trying to afford anything anymore,... I have just given up.

And I dont' see any hope in the future. With Doug Ford keeping the disabled in poverty so bad we can't afford to eat,... and an unstable housing situation,... I think the only answer is 'going to BC'. I have not given up on this idea. Infact it just gets more appealing with each passing day of hopelessness.

How did I ever end up here???