I don't recognize this world anymore

I don't recognize this world anymore. I was born in 1963. A very different time. My life really was Leave it to Beaver. I grew up in a town that was clean and safe. I had the ideal childhood. (after being adopted, of course)

I was rasied in a Christian family that went to Church (Emmanuel United in Brampton) My parents were one of the first parishioners. My parents generation founded that Church. And I grew up with the belief that if I did everything right, I would be rewarded with a good life.

I lived my life within the law and tried to be the best person I could be. I never stole anything in my life,... not even a stick of gum,... I have never struck another person. I cross at the crosswalks and paid my bills. I volunteered with the Church and other organizations. 

I wrongly thought I was a contributing member of society that was liked. I thought I was kind and caring and fun. (But people only saw the mental illness).

While I was growing up in that idealistic generation, I was told to work hard and I would achieve. And the thing about living back then was,... you COULD achieve. Most people had a list of what they wanted in their life and it was very achievable. Go to school,... get a job,... and things would work out for you.

In my 1960's - 1970's family my father worked and my Mother stayed home. We were able to go on two vacations a year. My parents bought a home while us kids were toddlers and mortgage payments and taxes were reasonable. And most families had enough left over to enjoy a life.

That has gone,... For me it died in 2000. When I divorced and my life fell apart after my ex took my children and never gave them back. But i didn't give up. I went back to school - got a job,... even bought my own home. But if all fell apart as the cost of living was getting more difficult. I ended up selling my home in the nick of time before it was re-possessed. But I lost money as I had to take a loss.

Now,... jump ahead to 2026 and life doesn't even resemble those days when a family really thrived. Now, everyone seems to be struggling. Ever since covid life has gone way down hill. Especially here in Canada. I don't even recognize my country anymore.

And it's not just me. I watch tv all day long (not my choice but all I have to do anymore) and I see it from everyone in all walks of life. Life is really hard now. Young kids can't find jobs coming out of school,... jobs are being lost to AI. And don't even get me started on Trump with his tariffs. All I see now when i turn on my tv is hardship and evil.

World leaders being found out as pedophiles! I am so disallusioned with this world right now. I am so disappointed in what it has become. But more importantly,... I dont' want to be a part of it anymore.

It's been 40 years since the 'good ol' days' and I have fallen down to the bottom. Infact the last five or six years I have gotten my ass whooped. I have seen our Country have a government who just does not care for the poor. And becasue of this we have fallen far into poverty. So far that even getting money from a settlement coudlnt' help me escape this life of misery.

I have seen the world change and I I don't like it. 

I hate our world leaders,... I feel decieved by them all

I hate the Canadian government who set it up so that only the wealthy get ahead and the lower class don't survive.

I hate society for throwing me away just becasue I'm different and in trouble and desperate. Instead of help ~ I got ridiicule and told I can't have OHIP,...

I hate my life for being too hard to navigate anymore. I dont' understand people and what they want from me. I try but only upset people.

My life is imploding right now and I have had to make plans I really didn't want to make. I want to go on my holiday in June. But without OHIP or a doctor I will be dead by then or the very least so weak I can't travel alone or enjoy sighseeing.

And most painful ~ without family there just isn't any point for me.

I am not a woman who needs or even wants a man. I am quite happy without one. But what I do need is my children,... and without them I don't have a life,...

My life is gone

And now I am left an empty vessel that just need to be dead and gone