Dying is the only relief I see now

 I went to bed early last night. I was so upset I just needed to end that day. But even though I actually got a good sleep (crying yourself to sleep does do that to me) I did not wake up feeling refreshed. Instead I woke up feeling dejected,... hopeless,... suicidal,...

It has become clear that I can't go on alone. I just can't do the things I used to do that gave me my independence. My body has failed me. I couldn't even put together a very simple piece of furniture. I did it wrong - stripped screws and now it is ruined,...

I can't do much that I used to anymore,...

So after a lot of thinking I have come to the conclusion that my life needs to end. 

I am tired,...

I am in severe pain that limits my abilities,...

I am miserable,....

So now plans have changed. I no longer wish to live. And I have decided that if this province won't give me a doctor then I am going to end my life with my own "MAiD's". 

I don't know how much a person has to suffer before anyone cares.

But I am suffering and alone and no help is coming. I called someone two weeks ago and she said she would look into it and call me back. Did she call  me back? No,... they never do,.... there are no resources they can offer me that will help. They are all gone becasue this government disolved them all over the years so that now that i need them - they are gone.

No help

I can't go on

Now,... I put all my efforts into DYING,....

How can I do it,.... and when can I get it over with

DYING is the only relief i see