A Storm is coming,...

 

Everything is going wrong and now a storm is coming in. It has been raining the past week. Very normal for the Island I am told. It is a rain forest afterall. I actually like the rain. So I wasn't concerned about the past 2 storms and hearing a 3rd is on the way. But apparently this next storm is suppose to be different. We are expecting a lot of rain. A warning of flash flooding has been issued. Islanders are nervous,... and that is making me nervous. Apparently we are expecting more power outages,... heavy rainfall causing flooding and high winds. I am told that a storm in Ontario like this is not as bad as a storm in BC that comes off of the ocean. I am seeing that,... the ocean is angry. It looks like a washing machine. It is showing me that nature has a nasty day ahead for me.

I live in a 26 ft RV. In an RV park that is surrounded by the Cowichan river. IF THAT RIVER FLOODS ~ EVERYONE IN THIS PARK IS IN TROUBLE. I am looking outside right now and it is raining. It has been raining for days. The ground is getting saturated. I am anxious for this new incoming storm. If the ground is already saturated, where is the water going to go? I fear a flood. 

My situation just keeps on getting worse. I am now out of money,... all of my budgeted money for repairs and living is GONE. I am now back to living off of $1072.74 a month. (MY CPP and National Disability Benefit) 

MY RENT IS MORE THAN I HAVE COMING IN so you can see the trouble I am in. Everything went wrong and ate up all of my savings I had planned to draw on my savings ot top up my deficits to get by but that money is now all gone,... So there is nothing left for a car and other things to make my life easier. I am back to living in poverty,....

My RV drained me of every penny I had.

So now I have no  money to survive,...

No health care and I really do believe I have cancer. I am desperate for a physical to find out,... but can only get one issue visits, where I have to walk an hour there and back just to access it. My blood pressure is so bad I KNOW I will be dead by the end of the year. Noone survives a blood pressure that averages 180/110 every day. THAT is a death sentence. But I can't find a doctor,... and getting meds was like climbing a moutain so I gave up and stopped meds,... now I wait to stroke out or die,...

The weekends arent' too bad as I spend time with my cousin. But during the week I am alone and feel so claustrophobic trapped inside this 250 square foot tin can. When the temperature is alright (like the past 4 or 5 days) I can get by with heaters and extra clothes. But when it gets colder ~ I just feel pain. And nothing seems to warm me up enough to escape that pain. This RV is not the home I expected it to be and now I will be spending my winter freezing. I can't afford propane,.... I have some but once that runs out who knows if I can afford more. YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT PROPANE IN AN RV IN CANADA! you will freeze to death. Today is okay but I fear when the temps drop,...my bones will be nothing but PAIN.

All those months fighting with Ontario Disability to pay back what they say I was overpaid (over $2000). I phoned and emailed for months trying to pay this damn debt back but noone would call me back. And when I did get through to them they didn't seem interested,... wouldn't give me my client # to access the debt and I no longer have that client number. (So how can I pay the debt???) They were just disinterested and very unhelpful to the point they just got in my way and I wasn't able to pay it. So I gave up. 

Today I got an email they have sent collections after me,...

All I am good for in this society is peopke taking my money,...

ODSP wants $2000 (an over payment)

Superior Propane wants over $600 ( to cancel my contract)

The CRA wants $71 (another over payment - are overpayments not THEIR fault not mine???)

And I live off of $1072.74 a month

I have been priced right out of living,....

So fuck this world I am done

My plan is planned ~ and now I just do it

I asked for help ~  But I was invisable 

So now I do what I have to do 

NOONE should have to suffer like this - NOONE!

And to die so alone noone even noticed I was suffering,...

How fucking sad is that?