It’s done. The case is over. They couldn’t offer me what I really needed and that is a Doctor. They are not God,… they cannot conjure up a Doctor just because I need one. And without one,… there is no medical care. They have been great in trying to get me what I do need which is help around the apartment. Or at least I got one visit anyway,… they won’t be coming back now. I know they tried (the lawyer) but I needed what they couldn’t give me. And all the “help” they are trying to get me comes with a marathon of “chores” that I am too exhausted to perform. For everything I needed,… it was not one but TWO assessments,… then an appointment,… it is just way too overwhelming for me to face right now. So i told them I am ending the case. I literally said “wrap up the loose ends and send me the bill” I can’t face one more thing,… I haven’t heard back but if i refuse to go to the insurance companies assessments,… the insurance company won’t pay… so there is no longer a case.

I have never felt so much like a failure in all my life. But I’m just too exhausted to care. Infact,… I am RELEIVED that I never have to face anyone again.

It’s sad because in the end,… if I had had one person come and stay with me for just one week right after the accident, I would have probobly been ok and I would never have had to even call the lawyer in desperation. If there had been someone there to just help I don’t think I would have spun out of control so easily. I USED to be as tough as old boots and I would have gotten by. But I think the knowledge that my children didn’t want to was so heartbreaking I just lost the will to live. No one came. Not my children,… no family,… no friends,… I was left on my own and it overwhelmed me. I physically could not cope. And that made my mental health deteriorate to the point where I am now.

Heartbroken.

I don’t think I’m going to carry on writing in here anymore. I just don’t have any motivation. I feel completely EMPTY. There is definitely no hope now,…

I knew I would never get anything,… people like me,… we never do,…. life has been a horrible struggle for me for the past 25 years. And now all hope is lost completely and I realize that it is NEVER going to get better.

NEVER.