I am back,... moving over to this blog to feel safer with my thoughts,.....

Because of all the media I did,... too many people were on my blog and I was beginning to feel like I had to watch what I was writing. Here,... I don't have a clue who reads it. This blog is so old I can't remember when I started it let alone who actually knows it exists. I'm hoping just a handful of my "mental" friends. The ones who get me and don't judge. The other blog was getting too popular and "The Happy Shiny People" were now reading it. I didn't feel free to voice my true feelings with them as my audience. Right now,... "Happy Shiny People" are my enemy. 

To sum up,...

My health has deterieroted so badly over the past year that I am now pretty much an invalid. My pain has become so great I cn no longer walk more than 20 or 30 feet before I have to collapse in pain. I can't even stand anymore without pain so I am finding everyday tasks impossible to do anymore. basic tasks like cooking,... cleaning,... laundry,.... It is all just too painful to do anymore. I have come to a point in my life where I am unable to look after myself anymore. I need a caregiver to come in and help me now. But because I am on ODSP (Ontario Disability) and make so little I live in poverty,... I cannot afford help.

So I am suffering. I can't cook anymore (too much standing - very painful) so I am now living off of milk and cereal. I never leave this apartment anymore either. Walking takes up too much energy and is too painful so I am forced to be a hermit. Stuck in these 4 walls 23/7. I am bored out of my mind and cabin fever is slowly setting in. No one ever comes to visit me. So I am alone. And very, very lonely. 

So I wrote this as my last blog post on "Coffee Confessions":

https://jacquierose.wordpress.com/2023/01/20/looking-for-an-end/?preview=true