Friday, October 8, 2021

 Today has been the worst day yet. 

DON'T want to be here

Just feel totally hollow


M******* was suppose to come and pick me up and drive me back to Barrie today for Thanksgiving. But that is a 6 - 8 hour round trip and I just can't let her do that. WAY too much driving just so I can have dinner there. I feel like such a burden. If I need anything,... I have to put others out. I can't do anything for myself so I have to rely on the good nature of others to help. It makes me feel like a FUCKING BURDEN!

For me to live - I have to rely on others. I can't accept that. I have some pride. 

I need kitty litter. I can't get it myself. I don't have a car. So now I have to phone someone and ask for their help. To the point where all I feel like I do is ask people for help. I am a MOOCH. I am THAT person now. The one who only phones when they need something. 

I am a burden!!!!!

THAT is why I have cut everyone out of my life now. Because I would rather have people think of me as a bitch who ignored them ~ than be THAT person who is the mooch. I'd rather be alone than have people think of me as the mooch.

So good-bye Michelle,... Hayley,.... and anyone else in my life who USED to be in it. You have all been banished to a life where you no longer have to deal with my "issues" anymore. You have all been set free,...

And as usual,.... I am left alone to cope and struggle alone as I always have.

But at least I will fail alone and not bring anoyne down with me,

I hate you world. I hate what you have done to me. I hate how I am nothing but a loser and a mooch.


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