I am despondent. My whole body is numb. I don't want to speak. I don't want to be,....

I want nothing more than to end my life today. I cannot take this emotional and physical pain any longer. I just don't know HOW to do it. I looked up injecting air into your veins but that doesn't seem feasable. I know jumping off the Elora Gorge bridge will work but having been there to do it once before i know how terrifying that would be. It's a very long way down. I will die,... but do I have the guts to actually jump????  I know fentanly is my best answer but finding it is the problem. I am not a drug addict. I don't know the first thing about buying drugs. I vape weed but I buy it - legally - on the internet. Fentynal is a whole different ballgame. But the emotional pain I am feeling right now has become unbearable. 

My stomach has turned into a hard ball that just gets tighter and tighter every day. It is as if someone is squeezing my insides in their fist. I cannot relax. And sometimes this feeling is unbearable.

I wake up ANGRY and in pain. Emotionally and physically. I am alone all the time. The lonliness makes you mad. I dont' speak with anyone for days and days,... I don't touch anyone for months. I bet i get 6 hugs a YEAR!!!!!! No human contact at all. Always,... always,.... alone.

PLEASE,.... please God I am begging you to Please,.... let me go,.... the pain of being alive has become unbearable,..... Please just let me go,......

I just want to be dead.