Friday, September 24, 2021

 I'm so mad,....

This one IS for the ‘friend’ who got so uptight and mad about my comment I made on Facebook.

I said,… “The middle class have no idea how much easier they have it than the poor,…” Wow,… did I get messaged back with a “I didn’t like that comment,… **** and * work very hard for what we have,…. blah,…blah,…fucking blah,…”

Obviously she didn’t even stop to actually read and process what I wrote. I wasn’t even talking about her. I was talking about,….

And now for my last final rant because I am seriously done.

I have been trying over the past few months to get things. Just random things,…. Amazon Prime. Sign up through ROKU and everything is hunky dory until the month end. They cancelled my subscription because I need a credit card to pay for it. (Being told NO) I called customer service and told them I have a $200 Amazon gift card and I will pay for a two year subscription with it – NO,… YOU NEED A CREDIT CARD. So NO Amazon Prime. Do you know you can’t even sign up for Itunes without a credit card? EVERYTHING you do now needs a credit card.

Obviously I don’t have one. I’m poor. I live in fucking poverty.

Tonight I go to Walmart and try and see about a new cheaper phone service. I wait the standard half hour while the ONE person deals with other customers. Finally he gets to me. We talk and pick a new phone and plan that will be cheaper and have more data, etc,… AND I would get $350.00 in Walmart gift cards. I wait forever while he sets me up. Um,… do you have a credit card? here we go,…. No. So he decides he can accept my drivers license and my social insurance number (which I’m sure is illegal to ask for as id) and he seems happy. uh oh,… your drivers license expired 18 DAYS AGO. So we can’t accept it. Well you can imagine my reaction to that. I pled with him. I ask to talk to a supervisor (none on site) nothing. And now,… madder than hell,… I have to WALK back home.

I walked away with no phone. AND ~ not able to get one anywhere. Ever. I am so mad I could spit. This isn’t the first or the second or even the third time I have been told NO you can’t have it ~ all because I don’t have a credit card or drivers license. I can’t sign up with the ride-well transportation service which is geared to low-income people because I don’t have a credit card.

I’m so fed up. I have given up EVERYTHING. Soccer. Ancestry,… everything I enjoyed. I have nothing left. And everywhere I go now I am being told NO ~ You can’t have that.

All because your so fucking poor you don’t even have a credit card or a drivers license (can’t afford to renew and why should I? I don’t drive anymore) This world is so unfair to people in poverty. We do not get the advantages that the middle class get. Driving,…. disposable income,…. hobbies,… holidays,.. CREDIT CARDS. Everything is easily accessible for most of the middle class. But if your poor,… you don’t get to have anything. If this doesn’t make me feel singled out and punished I don’t know what does.

I feel like a low life piece of shit who has to rely on everything I get or do from someone else.

My food ~ the food bank

transportation ~ volunteers

shopping ~ WALK even in winter even when I’m in severe pain. I walk.

My life is fucking hard. And for her to compare her life to mine is laughable. She goes on holidays worth more than I get a month. She has no concept of no groceries in your apartment. She has no concept of needing to go to hospital in the middle of the night but don’t have a car so have to phone an ambulance. I now have four $45.00 bills I can’t pay and creditors after me for it.

Why am I still here? Why? Can anyone give me one good reason to stick around. Cuz aside from Michelle who will be heartbroken but will get over it,… (and I only see 3 or 4 times a year anyway,…) I have nothing to live for. Nothing to do. Nowhere to go. No money to go there. No car to get there. Just sit in my apartment day after day after fucking day. I can’t do it. It’s not a life. It’s a bloody existence and a hard one at that. Why should I continue this struggle? It’s been 21 years of nothing but struggle. And now on ODSP it’s gotten incredibly worse. Every month I lose something else I can’t pay for.

My life is now empty. Completely empty. What is my purpose? I don’t have one. I’m just wasting air

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