Thursday, August 1, 2013

Suck it up baby & put on the big girl pants

Well today has been a test. Oh yes,.. A very big test indeed. I had to do many things today that I normally can’t do. My OCD curse,… my social phobia,… all tested me. But I am proud to say that I put on my big girl pants and sucked it up and just DID IT.

First thing this morning I had to bring my youngest daughter into the dental surgeons as she was having a wisdom tooth removed. As everyone knows, I don’t like public places,… I don’t like talking to people I don’t know,… But as a mother I had no choice but to take her.  Things went well until I had to go to the back and get her. Suddenly I was given papers and gauze and prescriptions and instructions. The nurse was literally overwhelming me with her list of things that could go wrong. By the time we left, I was more nervous and anxious than the day I brought this child home from the hospital when she was just born! Of course I couldn't show any of this. So hopefully I gave some semblance of a normal capable mother and shoved the poor kid into the car and couldn't get home fast enough.

I think one of the reasons I was so anxious and overwhelmed was not only having to care for this kid which, according to the dentist, could suddenly develop a serious problem at any moment and die (well OK, not DIE actually, but to a person with severe anxiety it may as well be that serious,..)  It was the setting itself. A medical clinic. Now for anyone who doesn't already know, in 2005 I got a job working at a clinic in Newmarket as a medical administrator/lab technician/phlebotomist. (Now there’s a mouthful) I was very comfortable with bodily fluids and any other situation that could bring on the heeby-jeebies to anyone else. I took patients’ blood,… checked urine samples,.. and well, you get the drift. And I did this for 4 years. But suddenly, and I mean almost overnight, my OCD kicked in with something new. I couldn't touch bodily fluids and everything in the clinic was contaminated and therefore untouchable. I tried to overcome it over the next few months but it just seemed to get worse.  Until finally I stopped being able to take blood. Everyone there really tried to help me however they could. But I just couldn't do it. And because taking patient samples was a large part of my job I realized I had to resign. No one actually knows this is the reason I left except the Doctors I worked for.

Anyway,… I digress,…

The minute I walked into this dental clinic to pick H***** up from the recovery room, I got totally freaked out and overwhelmed and anxious and nearly had a panic attack. Luckily my poor charge was higher than a kite at this point and knew not a thing of how her mother was a weak ol bird. I did get her home safely though and she is recovering well. (See,… she didn't DIE!)

Then,… and as if one traumatic situation isn't enough for one day,… I went over to my brothers to pick up my car. He had taken the time to fix it after the shop was going to charge me an arm and a leg and my first born child. He did it for a fraction of the cost and I am eternally grateful. But he had a spare part left over that he told me to go and bring back to the auto recyclers  ( ok, it’s the junk yard but doesn't auto recyclers sound so much nicer) Now because of my anxiety I don’t talk to strangers. I don’t walk into a building, alone, to meet people I have never met,… And I especially will not be left alone with a man ~ any man ~ except my brother. But here I was, doing all that to bring these parts back. Now whether my brother didn't know the anxiety this would cause me, or he did but felt I should anyway I don’t know. But I managed to get through that ordeal in one piece too. But let me tell you,… By the time I got home I was ready for a daiquiri and to never leave my apartment again. These ‘events’ may not seem like anything at all to the ‘normal’ person. But to me they were both a huge deal. BUT I DID THEM!

It took a lot out of me though and I will definitely need a break to just chill now. Man,… OCD and social anxiety are bitches,…


Rob-bear said...

Congratulations on your very major exploits!

First, don't worry too much about the tooth. I had a couple of wisdom teeth out when I was in my teens. I think rinsing with salt and water is the best way to keep a tooth from getting infected. But, check with the dentist.

But you — you did two big things, and still managed to function. You should get a major prize for that! Woo-hoo!

Blessings and Bear hugs!
Bears Noting
Life in the Urban Forest (poetry)

midnight rainbow said...

I'm the exact same way. And I know what it is like just getting through all of that with PEOPLE out there for goodness sake! lol But you did it and you didn't DIE either. Now kick back and have one for me too! :)

Anonymous said...

Congratulations!! And I LOVE the meme!

Bipolar Nana said...

Thanks for a well written description of what we have to deal with when out in the world. I thank Heaven for my children and granddaughter, without whom I wouldn't really want to carry on with BP1, GAD, & Agoraphobia!.
Cheers! Peace of Mind & Love to You & Yours, Nana

Cameron Von St James said...

Hey I have a quick question about your blog, could you email me when you have a chance? Thanks! -Cam