Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I'm a mess

Has anyone else had episodes of hearing things that they know aren't there? I mean, it's weird... I don't 'actually' hear a voice... It's like a thought is put in my head by someone. It's 5:52 in the morning and I haven't slept because I had this 'voice' tell me that a man is just outside my apartment door and he's waiting for me to come out. So all night I kept looking out the peephole and worrying myself into an anxiety ridden mess. Now, I'm sane enough to know that the 'voice/thought' isnt' real ~ but I'm sick enough to have experienced it. It's rather frightening.

I've also been having episodes where my vision gets all distorted. Like just before a person faints things start to swim in front of them. It's kind of like that. I feel detached and weird and my world gets all funny in front of me. Again, i am sane enough to know this isn't real and its just a temporary vision of some such thing but I'm sick enough to have it happen to me. As I'm sure 'normal' people don't experience these things.

Obviously I am not doing well right now. I never leave my apartment anymore because I'm afraid these 'episodes' will happen in public and I will not cope and freak out. I even cancelled a night in with a friend this week because I'm just not coping well and couldn't deal with being with anyone. I just want to be on my own, in my apartment.

I have an appointment with my therapist next week so i know I will have to tell her all of this. But it scares me as I really don't want to go back into the hospital.

So, I just hibernate away in my flat. Sleeping all day and awake all night.... My life is a mess.


Broken Wings said...

Owww so sorry about the voice. I can tell you that I have this same kind of thing, I mean I have a voice in my head which tell me what to do. Like to hit my self or do other kind of harm, although it might be that because you are so afraid of going out and so anxious that you possibly could have similar experience outside the comfort of your flat that is why your "voice" is telling you that there is someone waiting for you and that makes you even more anxious and confused. I as well realise that it is the "voice" but it makes me do things - and this is really frightening.
The other thing you mention that you have episodes of a detaching from reality , I experience something like that last week and I thought it was because of my med but when I seen my doc he dismissed that. But reading your post make me feel -wow i's this same how I felt. I have this "voice" in my head forever - as long as I can remember, but the episode of me feeling very weird like I will faint in a moment and like I was in a dream watching everything around me was the first and made me very frightened.

Good luck hun , and be brave xoxo

Borderline Lil said...

I certainly understand. It's terrible. I hope you can tell your doctor because I found medication changes helped me with this type of thing. Good luck xx

Rob-bear said...

I'm so sorry to hear this. I've never "heard voices," but I know medications can do strange things to us. And asleep all day, awake all night — been there, done that; not a lot of fun.

At least you are well enough that you can sort out some of that stuff. Which is a good thing. I would call it progress.

Blessings and Bear hugs.

Anonymous said...

Disassociation I think is the term which I have problems with. I would have to say it is like being lost and waking up suddenly confused about everything. I try desperately not to panic which seems to make it worse (the panic that is). The voices for me tends to be music and goes by my mood. Most of the time it is ok but i can only listen to a song for so long. I try to paint on my comp so I pay more attention to it than whatever I hear.