Wednesday, January 11, 2012

a blip in mood

I had such a great few days.  Saturday I went to the St. Jacobs Market with my brother and sister-in-law. Sunday I didn't feel well at all so stayed home. Monday I drove up to Barrie to have a visit with my two daughters. And despite the 4 hr round trip, I had such a lovely day.

But Tuesday I woke up feeling really out of sorts. Can't describe in words. Just sort of sad and melancholy. Tired and worthless. I just don't understand it. How can you feel so good for a few days and then wake up feeling completely the opposite?

Tuesday night I just felt so horrible that I took double my Seroquel dosage as I know it wouldn't hurt me, but it would let me sleep. (I have terrible insomnia). And it did. It gave me a great nights sleep. But unfortunately I slept until 8:00pm this evening. But, I woke up feeling some-what better.

I'm going to chalk the 'feeling bad' down to missing my family. And I am going to draw a line under it and start again. Tomorrow I am going to wake up feeling good!!!!!

If there's anything I have learned over the years, It's that my mental illness will never go away. I know that when I do feel good I know the feeling won't last. Ditto for feeling bad. When I feel so depressed and horrible I just want to die, I know this too, won't last. The only thing consistent about mental illness, is that it's never consistent! So I am going to forget the low feeling I'm having and tell myself that tomorrow will be another day ~ and it will be a better one.

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