Saturday, October 15, 2011

So mad at myself

Yesterday was a really horrible day. I haven't been sleeping well at all so I was quite exhausted. On top of that I had a bad toothache. Well, a whole mouth-ache really. I can't afford the dentist so can't even go to get it looked at. But anyone who has ever had a toothache knows how miserable it can be.
This... on top of my over-all feeling of slipping back into a depression just got to be too much for me.

And I relapsed.

I took three 400mg Seroquel tablets. My addictions counsellor has been very adamant that I am only suppose to take 150mg a day ~ no matter what ~ my doctor prescribed amount. And up until today that's all I have ever taken. I also drank 4 vodka and iced teas. To say I woke up feeling rough would be an understatement. But the pain of my mouth and the pain of depression just got to be too much and I so badly needed to zone out and not have to deal with it.
I really regret doing it now.
So here I am. I have FAILED yet again. I am back down to one day clean. Having to start all over again. I have let myself down.
But hopefully I can just put this behind me and move forward. Today is a fresh start. Right???

I don't like myself very much right now.

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