The past week has been a struggle of wanting to get better but not finding it easy so pushing myself to do what I need to do to "move up" instead of down.
Since I got out of "the Bin" (I love this term I learned from all my British twitter friends) I have wanted to get well. And for the most part I have been doing much better. The one thing I've noticed in particular is my need for humour. Suddenly I want to watch funny TV shows and movies whereas before I would want to wallow in "mental" or sad movies. I loved to be triggered into my comfort zone of depression. But now,... all I want is humour. I can't get enough. This has to be a good sign. It certainly has me smiling and laughing which has been non-existent for a very long time. People around me have definitely noticed.
But I'm still struggling with sleep issues. Nothing new there. Probably always will struggle with this. So in the past week I have not been able to get up when the alarm goes off. Therefore, I have missed my groups this week. (There were only 3 but still, I really should have gone to them). This has me worried that I am slipping right back to where I was before.
So, I have decided that I am not going to beat myself up about the "up all night ~ sleep till noon" pattern as it causes me way too much guilt and shame and anxiety. I am going to let this issue go. It's just too difficult to change and right now I don't have the energy to put into working on it. But I will work on everything else I have learned. I will get out every single day (If only for a walk). I will continue seeking out humorous TV to keep myself laughing. I will call at least one friend or family member a week (I never called anyone before ~ I hated using the phone and never answered it) I think If I can work on these things, then maybe the rest will just fall into place and I will feel so much better.
Think Positive! Think Happy! Think Humour!