Friday, June 10, 2011

Feeling rather "Buzzy" tonight

I didn't wake up until 1:30pm today. It's the medication. And of course I spent what time I was awake under the influence of "The Seroquel Hangover". In fact,.. It's now just after 10pm and I'm still in a hazy foggy state.
But along with this is something I don't understand. I'm (what I like to refer to as,...) "Buzzy". It's the state where I can't settle. I try to watch TV but before I even realize it I'm up and doing something else. I try going on the computer,... or reading,... but I just can't concentrate and bounce around from one thing to the next not really accomplishing or doing anything. Is this anxiety? I have been diagnosed with anxiety but because my depression was always so much worse I kind of just brushed the anxiety under the carpet. Now I'm wondering what exactly it is and what are the symptoms. I'm sort of confused to because I find depression and anxiety together a bit of an oxy-moron. How can you be both? But I seem to be suffering from both tonight. Really depressed but also "buzzy".
I think I will do tonight what I had to do last night. One lorazapam,... One seroquel (400mg) and one glass of wine. That seems to shut the mind down enough for me relax a bit. And speaking of the mind,... Why won't it shut down? I try so hard to relax but my mind just spins round and round.  I can never sleep when I'm like this. (Hence the need for sedating,...)
~ sigh ~ 
Why can't I just be flippin normal????? Even I'm fed up of me right now.

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