Monday, May 23, 2011

Still trying to push through

Here I sit. Sunday night, or rather very early Monday morning, wanting to sleep but can’t.
I’m still struggling to push through the sadness and lethargy that I am feeling because of the depression. As unmotivated as it has made me I am determined to push through it. It’s like that old song,… (“smile when your heart is breaking”)  Even though there is an air of sadness all around me and I can’t seem to muster up any motivation I am pushing through anyway.

I have gone back to taking the full prescribed dose of my Seroquel because of this descending depression over the past week. Hoping it will take it away. But that in itself is creating the “other” problem. The medication zonks me out so bad I can’t get out of bed. This morning, just like yesterday, I didn’t wake up until after noon. And even then I felt so drugged I could barely keep my eyes open. I had coffee and watched TV until late afternoon unable to move or function. It wasn’t until 3 that I was even able to get into the shower. But once my head cleared a bit I did force myself to get outside.

I drove into Elora and parked the car and went for another long walk. I hiked the trail along the gorge which is breathtaking. The fresh air and the beautiful scenery did end up lifting my spirits so that I did feel much better by the time I walked back to my car. And then, as luck would have it, my brother called and asked if I wanted to drop by his place for a chicken BBQ dinner. Which I did. Living in apartments for the past 5 years I don’t have a barbecue. So this was a real treat for me. (Had no idea my brother was such a great cook!) It just felt so nice to have gotten out of my apartment and live a bit. It made me feel almost ‘normal’.
And, just for you Liz,… this blog will again end on a positive ( or at least a bit humorous) note. Tonight,… another “It could only happen to me” moment,….

It was around 11:00 and I was sitting in the living room watching TV when I heard this rustling noise coming from the kitchen. It went on for a few minutes so I decided to get up and investigate. Thinking that my cat Maggie was up to no-good I didn’t think much of it. But as I turned on the kitchen light a bat,… Yes,… that’s right,… a BAT! flew across the kitchen just missing my head! I screamed bloody murder. It’s a wonder I had none of my neighbours banging on my door I screamed so loud. I HATE bats! I ran out of the kitchen and grabbed a broom. Taking a deep breath, I went back in and actually chased this damn thing around my kitchen. It eventually flew into the inch of space between my cupboards and the kitchen wall. I quickly grabbed a towel and stuffed it up the crack in the hopes that it would now be trapped up there. Ew, Ew, Ew,…. By this time I am really freaked out. I’m actually shaking. All I can think of is this thing getting back out and coming at me in the middle of the night. So now, I’m too afraid to go to bed. Hell,… I’m too afraid to turn off any of the lights. So here I am,… 3:00 in the morning on my computer because I won’t go to bed. Theres no way I can crawl into my bed and turn my light off and CLOSE MY EYES! No, no, no,… Because I know that the minute I close my eyes this thing will find me!  So I will be up watching TV until morning light. Bats don’t like the light so I will be safe then. (right? I WILL be safe then right?????) Oh God,… I’m such a girl,… But seriously people,… Bats are CREEPY!

So with drink in hand (yup,… succumbed to strawberry daiquiri to calm down the frayed nerves,…) I am sat in living room with one eye on the towel-stuffed crack and one eye watching taped movies. I am the worlds worst scardy cat
But,…in keeping with my New Years Resolution,  I will still look at the positives.

 A)My brother has very generously said he is buying me a NEW TV to replace mine cuz it just died !! yeah,… so happy,… awesome,… (doing jazz hands,…)
B) Fergus/Elora has turned out to be an awesome place to live. Beautiful here. So much to do
C) The silverfish are still tormenting me but at least they’re not COCKROACHES!
D) I may have a bat in my belfry but at least it’s not a ,… er,.. um,… ok bad example there,… Bats are the worst
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
 ” Light up your face with gladness,….
Hide every trace of sadness,…
Although a tear may be ever so near,…
That’s the time you must keep on trying,…
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile,….
If you just smile,…”

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