Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Sunnier Outlook

Yesterday I had an appointment with my new Family Doctor in Elora. I liked her. Obviously it’s hard to know how she’ll be in the long run but our first appointment went well. She seems to listen which my last Doctor didn’t really do. Todays appointment was more of a “meet & greet” with her also taking my whole medical history. We did obviously touch on my mental health and all the medication issues I have been having. We had to as I’m out of medication so she had to prescribe something. She decided to stick with what I was already on for the time being. At first I was kind of disappointed as I really do want to get off this damn Seroquel. But she took the time to explain that right now she has no past records so doesn’t really have a diagnoses except for all the different ones I’ve been given in the past. She explained that after I receive all my medical records from my last GP as well as the last two psychiatrists I saw over the past 5 years she will be able to decide for herself where I stand. She is going to refer me to a new psychiatrist in that area (although she did warn me it can take a very long time as the demand is high). Once I get seeing the new Psychiatrist, they can take the time to give me a proper more accurate diagnosis so that I can change my medication accordingly. But unfortunately all this will take time. Obviously I am disappointed in having to wait but if that’s what I have to do then I will do it. I will just have to make-do with the Seroquel for a while longer. But at least the ball is rolling. Things will change. I just have to be patient. Afterall, I have been dealing with this medication problem for years and years. I’m sure I can live with it for another few months. The important thing is that this Doctor is listening and wants to help and is taking the time to do it properly. That is what I have been wanting all along. So i am feeling really optimistic about this new Doctor.
Despite the cold, after the doctor’s appointment I took a walk through Elora. What a pretty, quaint little town! So many tiny little boutiques and shops and cafes and pubs,etc,…. Most sitting right on the river. It felt good to get outside and clear my head and just take in all the sights. If I thought it was pretty on a cold and gray day I can’t wait to go back and enjoy it on a warm summer day!
When I knew I had to get out of this apartment that I am in now, I really didn’t care where I moved to just so long as it had heat and working appliances. I was more in “I have to find somewhere that has an available apartment for rent NOW” mode than where I wanted to live. I think it was fate that my brother suggested and encouraged me to look in Fergus. It had to be fate. Because in the whole Orangeville/Alliston/Tottenham area no one seemed to have an apartment available right away. Only Fergus offered one. So off G*** and I went to have a look at it. I wasn’t overly excited about ”the flat” at first. (as I have affectionately begun to refer to it as) As I mentioned before it is small and really neglected in the “cleaning” department. I was luke-warm about the whole place. But I took it. It meant I could move out of here and at the time that’s all I was thinking about. But having had the opportunity to go to Fergus for different errands that needed doing, I now had the time to look around properly. I saw a lot of positives. Fegus in general is another pretty and quaint little town. It’s just the right size. (I much prefer small-town living than the city) and yet it’s close to Orangeville and Guelph so I have everything I need just a short drive away. I am walking distance to downtown which is so beautiful. It’s definitely has a “village” feel to it. I can see myself going for many walks there exploring all it has to offer. And then there’s the fact that it’s close to G*** & L***.  My brother is now all I have left of (the Morgan) family. Suddenly I feel the need to be closer to him. I am looking forward to spending some time with him and his family. (But not too much time,… haha,…. Less is more sometimes,…. have to find that healthy balance,…. no one wants the “Frank & Marie Barone Parents” living on their doorstep,…)
Now, I am starting to look forward to my future. That is something I haven’t done in a very long time.
I also had a bit of a sad moment yesterday. Moms retirement home was in Elora. As I was driving there I suddenly realized that I couldn’t turn on to the street she had been on because she wasn’t there. Before this, the only reason I would ever have been in Elora or on that particular road would have been to visit Mom. So that’s what this drive represented to me. I had this over-whelming urge to drive to the retirement home and see her. It was a hard reality for me to realize she wasn’t there and she never would be again. I couldn’t hold back the tears. All these moments where you remember she is no longer with us are difficult. They hit you at the least expected time. like thunderbolts they strike your heart from out of nowhere. It still seems so unreal to me that I will never see her again. So sad.  ~ sigh ~
Anyway,…. Today I am going to stay in and read. It’s not as nice outside as I was hoping it was going to be (Where has our Spring gone Mother Nature??) I bought 2 books at the Fergus market yesterday so I think I’ll put some coffee on and snuggle up with MaggieMay for a good read this afternoon. Haven’t done that in a while so I’m looking forward to the escape. My life has been so hectic lately that I really need some down time.

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