Thursday, April 14, 2011

struggling along,...

Boy, the past two weeks have been hard.
I recovered from that flu after 24 hours or so. Guess it really was just the old-fashioned flu. Felt good for a couple of days. Made myself get out every single day. Very important for people with depression. Sunshine and motivation really does make a big difference in mood.
 I got a call from the new apartment owner on Monday saying I would definitely have the keys to my new place on May 2nd. So that was good news. B***, who has so kindly offered to do the move for me, came over and we made some plans. I think we’re going to plan the move in a few stages. The apartment is so tiny that I think moving in one day would just fill the whole place with boxes and leave no room to move. So i am hoping to go in there on the day I get the keys and do a MAJOR clean. (If you’ll remember I said it was horribly filthy due to it being occupied by a an old gentleman who wasn’t able to walk let alone clean so it was quite neglected) The next day, I want to bring all the kitchen boxes and put all that away in the cupboards. The next day, the bathroom and closets. That will take care of quite a few of the boxes. Then B*** and I will do the actual truck move. It’s going to be a tiring time but overall I do believe it will be easier in the end. I’m so grateful that I have B*** helping me. I really was terribly worried about how I would manage to do it on my own. Now that I have dates I can plan much better. So it looks like things will be happening a bit earlier than I thought so that is good news.
Ever since I had the argument with the Landlords wife things have gotten worse here. Suddenly there is much more noise. It’s almost like they’re mad at me and waging a noise campaign to drive me crazy. The banging and stomping around and yelling is definitely worse since the argument. They are also playing games with my shower time. I never had a problem before the argument but now every single day I have had a shower they have suddenly turned the washing machine or dishwasher on (so that suddenly there is NO water coming out of the tap) or just flush the toilets so I get burned. I even heard them laughing when they did it. (As I said earlier, there is NO sound-proofing at all so I can hear everything they say) It’s just so juvenile but also very annoying. I haven’t been getting any sleep because of all the extra noise. Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows that I have bad sleeping issues to begin with. If I take my medication (Seroquel) then I sleep for about 12 – 15 hours at a time. So I really don’t like taking it and lately have not been. But when I don’t take it I have the total opposite effect of insomnia. The past 4 nights I have not taken it and haven’t slept much at all. Add on all the extra noise that suddenly has appeared I am finding it really difficult. I went to bed at 11:30 last night and didn’t sleep at all. Finally at 6 this morning I gave up when all the upstairs noise started. So today I am really quite tired. I had made an appointment with my cousin in Newmarket to get my hair cut at 1:00 but ended up cancelling. I just feel awful. Not getting sleep for several nights running has really effected me. Tonight I will be breaking down and taking my Seroquel just so I can get some sleep. because tomorrow I am driving into Fergus to see L*** so we can finish up some stuff for Moms funeral. I don’t want to be sleep deprived for the hour-long drive there. I think I will feel so much better if I can just get a good nights sleep!!!!!
I also had some kind of allergic reaction to something in the past day. My eyes are all swollen and my skin has gotten all itchy and blotchy. Haven’t a clue why that is. I just took a Benadryl and hope it will be gone tomorrow.
I’m feeling rather down today as well. probably due to Moms passing as well as the sleepless nights. The silly noise and shower games the people upstairs are playing isn’t helping either. But, I think I will just stay in and relax today. Hopefully that will help. Get an early night and a good sleep under my belt and I think I will feel a bit more up-beat tomorrow. Hopefully it’s just the situation and not a set-back on the depression. I can’t tell. I’m sure an afternoon with L*** will help as well as she is always happy and positive which is infectious. I am secretly envious of people who seem to be able to look at a glass half full ALL of the time. To be naturally happy would be a wonderful blessing. I get resentful at times that happiness for me seems to be a struggle that I have to work at daily. How great it would be to never feel depression again. ~ sigh ~ Well, hopefully this new Doctor in Fergus I will be seeing on Monday can help with that. A good understanding Doctor can be the difference between healthy and unwell to a person who suffers with depression. Fingers crossed she can help me get back on the up-swing once again.
Anyway, I am so tired I don’t think I am even thinking straight right now. Not good for writing as I tend to ramble and carry on not making a lot of sense and boring to boot. So I will stop here then.
Next entry? POSITIVITY!!!! I am moving in two weeks and that means light at the end of the tunnel. Right?????

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