Monday, March 7, 2011

Just don't see the point in it all anymore

It's only 10:47am & already I am sat here sobbing because I hate my life. The hospital just called to let me know that they received a referral from my old psychiatrist in St. Thomas where I just moved from. They are saying that this referral isnt' good enough. They need the referral to come from my GP here in my new town where I just moved. She is refusing to give me one because she says she hasnt' seen me for my mental health issues in over 2 years (How could i? I lived 3 and a half hours away for the past 2 yrs & couldn't find a GP there excepting new patients so had no GP except her and she was too far away) So I called the hospital back and they are out and out refusing until they get a referral from this GP who refuses to give me one. So i made an app't with her for tomorrow to see if we can resolve this. I mean seriously,.... I just don't get accepted for care because of paperwork?? Anyone reading this blog knows I am in a terrible place right now and just feel like jumping off the next bridge I see. I'm fed up. I hate my new apt. It's a dump and I got taken for a MAJOR ride by the landlord. (I STILL don't have a fridge even after a week and a half here and none of the other problems are sorted either) I wake up every morning and cry. I literally just sit on my couch, look around at the mess and just cry. I can't cope with it. And worse - I don't even want to anymore. I just want everything to go away. I want all my problems to just go away. I want this dive of a flat to just go away. I want ME to just go away & disappear. I HATE MY LIFE. I don't see a future anymore. I don't see this situation getting better. If I thought I was struggling mentally before the move?,..... I was wrong,... I'm paralyzed into depression and hopelessness now that I've made the move. I just don't see the point in coping anymore. It's not going to get better. I've never felt so trapped in all my life.

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