Wednesday, March 9, 2011

I don't know what to do and I'm so stressed

OMG! i can't sleep. I am stressing so much over this move. I HATE this apartment and I NEED to get out of here. If the landlord gives me half my money back and moves me I am soooooooo close to getting out of here. But I just can't find the other half of the money. I'm not coping with this at all. I just can't take any more.
And when he says "his guys" will move me to my new place, what exactly does THAT mean?? Can i trust these people? Is he going to be so mad at me that he doesnt' care if my stuff gets moved badly and stuff gets broken? I mean there's just so much going through my mind right now.

I know if I stay I am going to be so miserable and my depression is going to get so much worse. I really worry about this being the last straw and if I can't get out of here I will just end it all. There's no way I can stay in this dump. It will be the end for me. I am at my wits end and I just can't take any more.

But if I CAN move (by some absolute miracle) how am I going to pack this place up and I worry about WHO these "guys" are that will move me. It's going to be a nightmare. Anyone reading this blog knows this move has already taken a huge toll on me mentally. I really, really can't take anymore.

Either way,.... what ever happens,.. It's going to be a nightmare and I'm really concerned that I just won't be able to cope with any of it. I'm already struggling with this horrible depression. any more stress and I know it will be a complete break down for me.

I should never have moved in the first place. This whole thing has just ruined me financially. Wiped me out and now needs more money I don't have. I'm starting to wonder why I bother as I will never pay off the debt I've created. Why am I bothering?????? Everything in my life goes wrong. And at 47 I have been struggling with shit for years now. I'm tired. I'm really, really tired and fed up and frustrated and depressed.

I need help but theres no one who can help me. people can advise me what to do but they're not going to lend me the money to do it are they? People always say they will help but no one ever materializes when the help is actually needed. I know because this last move I did completely on my own even though everyone said they would pitch in and help. When i physically needed them they were all "busy". And there is NO WAY I can pack up this whole place again in just a week all by myself. I soooooo need help.  ~ sigh ~

What do I do?

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