Tuesday, March 8, 2011


Day 11 in my new apt and still no fridge. No washing machine. Still can’t use the bathtub.
Still furious that its heated by wood burning stove because in the mornings its FREEZING and I have to get out of bed and right away start a fire. Anyone who has a wood burning stove knows they are dirty – smoky (everything smells like smoke-especially my clothes) and there’s a layer of soot everywhere. I have already burnt myself and I have quite a few splinters from the damn wood. I HATE this way of heating the apt. It only keeps one room warm and only if the fire is on. I had a doctors apt today so left for 3 hours. Came home to a cold apt and had to start the fire all over again. I’m just so mad that he didn’t tell me up front this was the only source of heat. Because I did tell him I have a fear of fire and I wouldn’t be using the wood burning stove. He said ok and that maybe he would unhook it. He SHOULD have said “well your going to be pretty damn cold then cuz that’s the only source of heat in this home“. He DIDN’T so I feel very mislead.When I said I wasn’t going to be able to use the stove did he think I was just going to freeze?? It was MINUS 13 degrees last night.
There was a fridge in the apt when I looked at it – Ditto for the washing machine – but it wasn’t until I moved in I learned they didn’t work.(“But there going to be fixed!!! – Saturday now” he said)
The bathtub is a beautiful, huge jacuzzi-type soaker which he put a picture of up on Kijijij in the ad to sell the apt (and yes it sold me enough to come out and look at the apt) but he didn’t say there’s no plug for it (which is built-in) so you can’t actually use it. He did say the jacuzzi jets had been disconnected but that was fine with me. I have fibromyalgia and a hot bath in epsom salts is a must for me.
They are also really noisy! There are 6 adults up there. I’m sure they’re just going about normal life but with no sound-proofing between the floor/ceiling it sounds so loud. And with 4 teenagers you can imagine the fighting, horse-play and loudness there. Mornings are awful. 6 showers all before 8:00am. No sleep when all this is going on I can tell you.
My PVR on the TV isn’t working so I’m trying to get that fixed but it’s under the landlords name and its a pain to call bell because they won’t talk with me because my name isn’t on the actual account. so I’m trying to get the landlords to call Bell and get me added onto the account so I can call Bell and get this straitened out. The woman said she’d do that tomorrow. Ok, I’m ranting again,…. sorry, sorry, sorry,….. I am just so friggin upset.
My brother just called me but I couldn’t’ even talk to him because I was crying so hard. So I’m going to F***** on Friday to see him and he said I could do laundry there and he’d take me out for lunch and then we’d visit Mom and we’d try to sort things out. And an old friend from high-school (B***) that I had found on Facebook months ago is coming to visit me on Thursday as she has been reading this blog and knows how upset I am. I was blown away at her kindness of making the effort to drive all the way out here to visit me when she hasn’t even seen me in nearly 30 years!! Don’t ever under-estimate the power of kindness in people even when others seem to be the opposite.
But the bottom line is it can’t be sorted out unless I move out of here.  I’m just not happy here. AT ALL! But I put this move on my credit card as it is and there just isn’t another penny to be had. I need $3000.00 to move. (first & last months rent as well as the cost of the move) so I really am well and truly stuck.
And the worst part is I just take it! The landlord doesn’t even know how upset I am because I don’t say anything. So it’s my own damn fault for being such a pushover and that’s what upsets me the most. I just keep saying “OK” when he gives me excuses. I find him very misleading but I’m afraid to say that becasue I know he’ll just say he wasn’t and then I’ll back down and say ok then.
But I did tell him no finally about him “renting” my car. I was just so uncomfortable with that I told him on the weekend. I was actually so nervous and had to psyche myself up just to tell him. I’m so pathetic. Why can’t I just stand up for myself? People aren’t going to know I’m upset unless I say something. I try to but I chicken out and don’t. Anyone else would have said “No, these problems are taking too long to sort out – Do something about it today!” but not me. Arghhhh,……
I know this says more about myself than it does about a horrible apt I’m not happy in. And that makes me sad.
Oh,… and at my doctors app’t today. I was going because she was refusing to refer me to the “Mary McGill Mental Health Centre” here in Alliston where I could find all the help I need. A psychiatrist, counselling, etc,…  But she is still refusing. She wants me to see my old psychiatrist in Newmarket. I like Dr. P but Newmarket is so far away and Alliston is only a 10 minute drive from here. Plus the centre in Alliston offers so much more than just one psychiatrist visit every 6 – 7 weeks. Most times that acceptable but right now I am not doing that great mentally with all these issues and I could do with counselling, etc,… as well. So I’m disappointed and frustrated about that too. When it rains,.. it pours I guess,…..
I wished I could stop ranting on here but right now its my only outlet.
OK,… one of my new years resolutions was to always find one positive thing out of every day. Today I drove to Newmarket and the drive was gorgeous. The weather was sunny and the country lovely to look at. I am very thankful I am not in the city and I get to enjoy the country every day. The other positive thing is my brother was so concerned about me and cared so much and I have always thought he was mad at me for the past few years so we haven’t had a relationship. Now I know he cares. Which is soooooo important to me. And now I know I get to see him Friday and spend some time with him. :-)

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