Sunday, February 27, 2011

I've moved

Right now I am so shattered I don't think I have the energy to write a whole blog entry. So I'll just do the best I can.
The move was horrible. The weather was a snowstorm. That hindered a lot.
Once at the new place,... I find out the fridge doesn't work,.. The knob in the shower doesn't work,... (so no showers yet) the plug in the bathtub is gone,.... (so no bath till he gets a new one fitted) It's a house heated by oil but the owners are out of oil so there is no heat - at all!! (It's winter here in Canada!)Last night I nearly froze to death!! The laundry machine doesn't work so I have to drive to a Laundromat to do my laundry. Theres not enough room here so there are boxes and boxes of stuff not unpacked because there just isn't room to put it anywhere. My TV & Internet hook up almost didn't happen because of a problem living out in the country (??) - but was eventually. This morning I woke up and looked around and broke down in tears. Everything is a complete mess.

Some results,... The owner got the wood burning stove working so I have some heat but I've never had one before and I'm getting fed up of having to stoke a fire every hour just to stay warm and wondering what will happen tonight after I go to sleep and the fire goes out. Going to be a COLD morning. Apparently he said he will fix the fridge and shower and bath and laundry machine but he didnt' say when & he wasn't at home most of the day to even talk to him to ask him when.

Right now, I am not doing well. Durng my big crying fest this morning I just wondered what the hell I had got myself into and just wanted to die. I just don't have the energy to deal with all these things right now. I seriously wanted to get into my car, drive onto a deserted road (lots around here - I'm in the middle of nowhere) and take an overdose, go to sleep and then freeze to death. Seriously,... this was a plan.

But I see my daughters tomorrow and my Mom so I pulled myself together the best I could and got through until now. But I hate this new place. I really, really hate it. I feel like I've gone from "poor" to down-right "poverty stricken trailer trash". This place is barely habitable but all I could afford.
I HATE it here!!!  And I HATE my life. What the hell has happened to my life that I've ended up here??????
I feel so sad that this is my life.

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