Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm struggling,... slipping,....

I am moving in 6 days. And the stress is overwhelming. I really wasn't well enough to have started this whole moving back to my family thing. But the pull and urge to be with my family convinced me to go for it. But now I know it wasn't the right time. I can feel myself slipping.
Why do I always have to do everything by myself? If I had some help it might have been easier but I don't. I moved here 2 years ago in a serious depression which I never got out of so I never made the effort to go out and meet anyone. I have basically been a recluse for the past 2 years. A sick, depressed recluse. So I have no one to help me. The work load is just too much. The stress and worry of getting it all done is too much.
Today I need to get in the shower and go out and find more boxes. For most people they wouldn't even need to think about it. They would just do it. But for me, I'm struggling with even this. And the more days that pass,... The more I panic and become totally overwhelmed.
I'm still not eating. (Lost 6 lbs in one week) My healthy mind says that's dangerous - STOP IT! But my E/D mind says great job - that's a win! It's the old comforting feelings of hunger and control that are keeping me from completely losing it altogether. Twisted logic I know but that's how it is.
I just need to hang on for one more week,..... 6 days! I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep packing,... keep going,... I'm trying so hard but I can feel my mind losing it.
I'm slipping,.....

No comments: