Two posts in one day,.... Shows how my head is all over the place.
I think I am doing a little bit better than this morning. Blog comments have helped for me to see a bit clearer.
I'm not feeling suicidal anymore. I think what I am feeling is discouraged. I want so much to get well but I never really do. This depression is always with me or lurking just under the surface. I want so much to have what everyone else has. A nice home, money to pay for your essentials, a family that cares and loves you and I don't seem to have any of those things. On good days I can cope with it. On bad days, like today, I can't. I get very discouraged and wonder why I bother because it never seems to get better. I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel.
Anyway, Just wanted to let you all know that I'm not suicidal and i am not going to hurt myself (some of you DM'd me concerned) I'm just having a really bad day and needed to express that in my last post.
But I sure do wish that I could control these horrible mood swings.