Tuesday, November 16, 2010
I have been binging all evening. I hate myself. And I cut for the first time in about a year. I used to work in a medical clinic and I stole a scalpel that I keep in my room. I don't use it often, maybe once a year or so, but when I do it's sharp and leaves nasty cuts behind. Last year I carved my daughters names into my thighs and believe it or not if you look close enough you can still see the scars. Tonight wasn't too bad. Just a few on my thighs. But it does show I'm in so much pain right now I just don't know how to cope with it. It is totally over-whelming me. Binging & cutting are ways to distract me from the emotional pain I guess. But it didn't work. I still feel utterly hopeless and so deep into this depression I just don't care if I ever get better.