Thursday, November 25, 2010

Feeling very fragile and defeated

I am feeling quite defeated today. If you'll remember, I spent $335.00 of money I didn't have (credit card!) to fix my computer. Yesterday, It crashed again and now doesn't work. To make a long story short,... The people who fixed it are not being helpful at all and it looks like I may be Shit out of Luck and have no computer. The reason I feel so defeated is that this type of stuff happens to me all the time. Nothing is ever simple for me. Even the little things in life get blown into big things and I lose out - get taken advantage of - Have the worst bad luck - I don't know what it is but I always seem to get the shit end of the stick. Normally I would be pissed off. And yesterday I was. But today, after waking up in the middle of the night again, I have woken up feeling completely fragile,... drained,... defeated,... hopeless,.... My computer means the world to me - literally! It is my lifeline to the outside world. Without it I am completely lost. So i sit here this morning thinking Fuck it,... If they can't fix it (without me paying even more which is what they are saying,... I DO NOT have any more money for them or anyone,...) then I give up. I don't have any more fight in me. I just give up. This will be the last straw. I sit here crying right now because I've given up. I will hold off and see what this computer repair company says but if they can't help me and my computer is no more,......
I just don't know what will happen then.
Fingers crossed everyone,... please don't let this world take away the only thing I have that helps me,.... my computer,....

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