Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I am having an anxiety/panic attack right now. I just did my banking and for the first time ever I am short $337.00 this month to pay my bills. I have not even included food so that means I have $0.00 for groceries until the end of October. Food Bank again. Which I hate but am resolved to the fact if I want to eat, I have no choice but to use it. But they only give you enough for a week or so and you can only go every 8 WEEKS! So, you do the math,... I'm in trouble big this month. Hence the panic attack. I just don't know what to do anymore. And to top it off, My youngest daughters birthday is Oct 19th. She lives with her Dad and step-Mom in their quarter million dollar home with their hot-tub, sauna,... (you get the picture) so she will not understand that I really do have NOTHING to give her for her birthday and I have no money to even get gas to drive out there (300km away) to see her. I've been homeless before so I know I am now just one step away from being homeless again. And the winter is coming. I am losing it. Freaking,... panicing,... I HATE MY LIFE!!! As I said in my last post,... why do I bother? I'm searching for the reason but can't come up with one. God, sometimes I think my cat is the only reason I stay alive.

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